dT = mVl2
Physics students do not panic. You did not fall asleep during the lecture on Einstein’s theory of relativity in quantum physics seminar. With that reassurance, let’s explore the application of Einstein’s formula - e = mc2 - as a springboard to attempt to capture and understand, in mathematical terms, the theory of Donald Trump.
Let’s begin with the givens that 1) Trump (dT) is a massive (m) liar (l); 2) who lies with such velocity (Vl); 3) fact checkers cannot keep up. Although the term ‘fact checkers cannot keep up’ is relatively subjective, relativity is completely applicable to the subject and introduces a negligible degree of uncertainty into the equation. Therefore, from this, we can mathematically represent Donald Trump (dT) by his mass (m) times his speed of lies (Vl) squared: dT = mVl2. Although this appears to be a straightforward application of Einstein’s theory, it does present two challenges.
First, like other massive objects, Trump possesses enough gravitational pull to cause other objects to fall into his orbit. The main difference though, is that the rate of orbital decay around Trump far exceeds any other known orbital decay of objects in the universe. There is ample empirical evidence that greater than 96% of objects have met an ignominious end on re-entry after falling from a decaying orbit around Trump. Conversely, in extremely rare instances, some objects have inexplicably reached escape velocity and moved beyond Trump’s gravitational influence thereby saving them from the same fate as their gravitationally unfortunate counterparts.
Second, such a rigid formulaic approach suggests that by losing weight, and thereby becoming less massive, Trump may no longer have the same gravitational attraction as previously. This is completely in keeping with Einstein’s theory proven by the gravitational bending of light around super massive black holes while less massive objects do not have the same magnitude of gravitational effect on light. The most vexing question posed by mathematicians and physicists remains unanswered: If Trump were to become less massive would he lie less rapidly or profusely and, in so doing, become less Trumpish?
To help scientists answer this question, Novo-Nordisk has donated a pallet of Ozempic to the cause.
Very funny! Love this. I believe that as Donald Neinstein reduces his mass, his lies increase exponentially. We are witnessing the death of a star. Years ago DT was a fairly normal yellow star, but as his H2 started to run out, he expanded into a red-orange (note tie and skin color) giant, sucking up half the planets. But as his red hot core loses heat, he is becoming a white supremacist dwarf. I am confident that he did not start as a massive star (8 times Sol) because then we would be doomed, since he would turn into first, a supernova and then either a neutron star, or worse a black hole where everything including lies would be pulled in by gravity, well I guess that would be a good thing.
Absolutely brilliant! :-) I loved this piece!
By the way, my father was a long time reader of Dr Einstein's work as it came out. He was a world class photographer, and also a (strictly amateur) reader of particle physics and astrophysics. (we used to look at stars through his Questar in the back yard when we were growing up. My father's portrait photograph of Dr Einstein with Einstein's sister Maya (I do not know of any other photograph of them together) hangs in a museum in Philadelphia. I have the original of this picture of Dr Einstein. There is a funny story connected with it which I can relate if you are interested.