(Paris, France) – On the third day after a kerfuffle broke out about the blasphemous depiction of Leonardo da Vinci‘s famous Last Supper painting during the opening ceremony of the 2024 Summer Olympic Games in Paris, he arose from the dead to thank a small but vociferous group of Christians for anointing his work as inerrant and divinely inspired. “Indeed,” stated the posthumous da Vinci, “I am humbled and honored by your recognition that my painting is equally important as the holy scriptures.”
When asked to comment, Jesus, in a rare moment of negativity, said he was not thrilled to share the resurrection podium with da Vinci, citing that the painting made him look effeminate and weak. “I’m not a proponent of idolatry, either” he added.
Satan, on the other hand, hinted that Leonardo had sold his soul to him in exchange for his artistic talents. “This rookie couldn’t even stay within the lines of a paint-by-number until after we made the deal,” he added.
Being the arbiter he is, the Pope retroactively sainted da Vinci, with an accompanying halo, and told him never to miss confession again. Da Vinci immediately retreated to his sarcophagus to avoid any further entanglements with current events. Sponsors who had pulled their ads in protest returned to their self-righteous ways fully acquitted of their actions.