Caring is optional reprised

The President and First Lady toured Asheville, NC on Friday to show feigned support for Hurricane Helene victims while simultaneously threatening to eliminate FEMA, the federal agency helping them recover. Melania feigned nothing but expressed real disdain for having to visit such a trashy little hick-town. “Just look at all the debris in the streets,” she exclaimed. Her wardrobe raised some local high-brow eyebrows though.

The Asheville chapter of The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants panned Melania’s visit to their home state. “I can’t believe the First Lady did not wear one of her designer dresses when visiting our state,” lamented the chapter chairwoman, granddaughter to French fashion icon Yves St. ‘Ralph’ Lauren. “What does she mean by coming down here in effin’ Levis?” Her complete ensemble included black skinny jeans, a black wool beanie, black combat boots, aviator sunglasses, and a $1,000 Rag and Bone fluffy parka. Barron was confronted with the moral dilemma of denying or admitting that his mama wears combat boots. Former President Biden was upset to learn he had misplaced a pair of his aviator glasses.

One local woman wearing only a MAGA T-shirt, MAGA sweat pants and flip flops in the frigid, mountain weather approached Mrs. Trump. When politely asked by the woman if she would donate the parka to aid hurricane victims, the First Lady feigned a lack of fluency in southern English using a heavy, Slavic accent. Rag and Bone executives applauded her aloof attitude to keep their brand unsullied by low life hillbillies in Appalachia. “We cannot allow our designer label to be devalued by people who cannot spell parka, regardless of how cold and needy they are” a spokesperson for the company stated. “We love the poorly educated who are wealthy but not the poorly dressed who are well educated.”

Photo: Wry Banter, my wit’s end.

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