lt. governor lives in glass house

an easy mark

Mark Robinson, North Carolina’s Republican Lt. Governor and gubernatorial candidate has an interesting take on the purpose of and need for abortions. He said on a 2019 Facebook livestream, “Abortion in this country is not about protecting the lives of mothers ... It is about killing the child because you weren’t responsible enough to keep your skirt down.” Just weeks after NC Democrats started running an ad featuring this pièce de résistance of karmic hypocrisy, Robinson began showing an ad in which he and his wife admit she had an abortion 30 years ago when Mark was her boyfriend.

In another development, a local NC newspaper reported that Robinson was seen frequenting a porn store in Greensboro when he worked at a nearby Papa John’s Pizza years ago. According to a store worker, Robinson would come into Gents Video and News after work to peruse their collection of porn before going home. On some occasions he would look at ‘peep show’ previews before choosing a video to take home.  Apparently, this porn obsession continued until one day Mark heard a voice in his head saying to him, “Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!”

Robinson was reprimanded by Trump for this breach of protocol. “I am the only Republican allowed to hear voices in my head. I hear crowds of voices in my head. Bigger crowds than even Taylor Swift.” Mark reassured his mentor and role model by telling him that it only happened once, it was the voice of God and it was years ago before they met. Trump was assuaged but Robinson was crestfallen after having been scolded.

In a charitable gesture meant to cheer up Robinson, JD Vance called him and offered to host a guy’s night sleepover. “I’ve got a nice comfortable couch you can crash on.” Mark declined the offer with, “No thanks. Got any doughnuts?”