Cats around the world are incensed after J. D. Vance accused them of being consolation-prize companions to miserable women. “I do not like him in a bar, I do not like him in a car. I would not, could not take his call, I would not vote for him at all”, mused the Cat-in-the-Hat.
Mr. Vance has recently doubled down on his assertion that cats are inferior to children in helping women avoid all manner of sociopathic disorders. His office declined comment when reached by PETA. The SPCA was also unable to speak with Mr. Vance. A staff member stated that he has developed a mild case of cat-scratch fever from a close encounter with a female, feline protester. In a later press conference, Vance, with a bandaged nose, confirmed his illness adding, “I took a claw for democracy!”
At Old Deuteronomy’s behest, Grizzabella returned temporarily from the Heaviside Layer to hiss and spit while the remaining Cats cast raised their hackles in support of her comments.
In one of the most stunning rebukes of Vance’s attitude towards cats, Hello Kitty was seen waving an inverted paw with the middle claw raised. Sanrio, the company owning the rights to the famous welcoming feline, declined comment stating that Hello Kitty’s opinions do not necessarily reflect those of the company.